Normally we hear tales of men being tricked and fooled by a beautiful lady they met online, from some dating app or online social channel. It is not uncommon to hear that man say, “I thought we really had a connection” or “I really thought she cared about me” followed by the reasons that make sense to that guy that was taken advantage of. The thing is, this isn’t a “guy thing,” but rather a human thing.
People want to be loved, and when people get lonely they don’t necessarily think straight. There are psychology books and self-help books written purely about the issue of loneliness or desire to have a partner and helping people through that situation. The desire to find a partner and be loved can be so strong that it gets in the way of clear thinking; that desire to be loved can cause a person to put up with things that they wouldn’t normally put up with, and accept behavior or ideas that they would normally not accept.
There are people who prey on others who are looking for love and companionship. These people are narcissistic sociopaths that have no care for anyone but themselves. They are the lowest life forms that there is, taking advantage of people at their most vulnerable. Whereas these people can be very difficult to root out of their little holes, we have become very successful at it.
Like I said, this is not a problem that simply plagues men, but rather both men and women. Men are more apt to talk about being taken advantage of by a “gold digger” but there seems to be a stigma attached to women around the same situation. Women somehow feel that they are supposed to be immune to being tricked by a potential lover and it seems they feel shame around it. They often blame themselves and feel “too stupid” to talk about it openly or to pursue prosecution of a man that scammed them out of money under the guise of love.
How do I know this? I know this because I’m the one women tend to call when they get into financial straits over some guy they thought loved them but ended up burning through their money. This is not something that happens to stupid women. These are smart, successful, professional women. We have had very successful female lawyers that are used to prosecuting white collar criminals and slick frauds. So how do they get taken for such a ride of love-crossed deception? Let me outline the most common ways that love-predators target these professional and intelligent women. It’s pretty smart how the guys work the situation…
How The Romance Scammer Gets The Money
They don’t always ask for the money—that’s their hook. They set things up so the woman feels bad for him and wants to help. Here’s how the scams often reel you in:
– The man pretends like he has a large, successful business, then suddenly he has some issue where he needs to simply bankroll his employees for a week until a big check comes in. The woman feels bad for him and knows she will get her money back since he is so successful so she offers to kindly lend him the money for the week.
– The woman is a professional who is looking for a beautiful and successful man that enjoys all of the things she enjoys. He fits these areas so well that the woman is willing to overlook any of the little red flags that pop up.
- They use a current separation or divorce as an excuse for needing financial help, just for the moment. The man says he can’t move any of his money at the moment because the wife (who he is supposedly separated from) found out about you, and now is tied up in litigation.
- Scammers leverage your heart via children. The love interest says he has a child who has recently suffered from an injury or illness, tying up all of his funds.
- Being out of country is a popular excuse for money issues. The romance scammer will commonly say they are currently out of the county on a job and will be back soon.
- The man says he works in the military and is stationed out of country on deployment which has left him unable to get to his money.
- There are hundreds of other lame excuses that they will try to make you believe. Many of them are supported with fake documents that appear to be very official. Double check these documents! There are ways to verify them, such as hiring a private investigator who has the ability to check these. I do this for clients very, very often.
- They build fake websites of fake businesses.
How To Avoid Becoming the Victim of a Tinder Swindler
Recently, an incredibly disgusting person gained fame from defrauding lovestruck women looking for Mr. Right, and his infamy has only fueled his unregulated narcissism. Sadly, he is continuing to get away without repaying his debts but let’s try to teach women how to avoid these pathetic types of scammers. Here’s some tips on how to avoid falling victim to the losers that try to steal your money while pretending to be your lover:
Be honest with friends and family that you can trust. Tell them exactly what is going on and get their opinion. If everyone is saying the same thing, it’s probably because it’s true. If your trusted friends and family sense something is off, then it probably is! Oftentimes, the woman is not telling the whole truth to her friends and family because she wants her lover to be seen in the best light, but leaving out details can conceal ill-intentions of this lover.
– Hire a reputable investigations agency to check him out. Background searches are good, but often not really what you need. You need an investigations company that has a specific specialty of “online investigations.” At my company we have a highly developed social media and online investigations department that specializes in finding out information about people online. We do not do a simple Google search. We have software, hardware, and experts who have been specializing in this field for over 15 years. If you’re going to hire someone, make sure they are experts and have the wherewithal to get you real results.
– Be aware of the common ploys that love scammers use. I made a list of common tactics above, so read those carefully and remember them. I have been doing this line of work for over 3 decades now, and I know what I’m talking about. I have helped countless women navigate their way out of these situations and helped them get their money back and/or prosecute a romance scammer. Some women just want to make sure the man was truly a swindler so she can mend her heart and move on; other women want to make the criminal pay for what he did and not be able to scam other unsuspecting women in the future. But let’s avoid it, altogether. Knowing the love scammers’ behavior is the first line of defense.
– Meet him. In person. Then meet his friends and family. Spend real time together in person and see if things feel right or if your gut is telling you to watch out for things that don’t add up. Most of these guys get away with money without ever meeting the woman in person. How? They do FaceTime calls or video calls, or text every day to keep that emotional connection building with the woman. But don’t accept that as a relationship—spending time together in person is a major part of a real relationship. Don’t let them be too busy traveling to spend time together in person.
- Do your own investigations, also. It is your job to protect yourself, physically, financially, and emotionally. If he is a professional, does he use LinkedIn? Is he active on LinkedIn? Does he have other social media? Who are the people who actually know him and can vouch for him? If he has a legitimate business does he have reviews from customers? If he says he has kids, are they on social media, and do they post photos with their dad? Does he have any business licenses? These are some of the things we check and verify with certainty. Ask him the questions (that’s your investigative part) and then bring his answers to us so we can investigate and verify them without him ever knowing. If he checks out, great, go forward. But if we come back to you with conflicting stories to his answers, then stop and reassess. This is your life we are talking about, and your life can easily be destroyed by someone who has access to your heart and finances.
Don’t be a victim of a love scam or a professional romance scammer. Call us today if you need to verify your Mr. Right is really who he says he is. It’s a lot cheaper than losing your savings to some narcissist who is ready and willing to use you and take your money. We sniff these predators out daily and are happy to help you know whether that person is being honest with you.
Have a friend who you believe is being duped by a lying scammer? Send them this blog, or simply tell them about the checklists above. Friends don’t let friends date the Tinder Swindler.
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